Finding Love in the Midnight Zone

‘What I’m trying to say is that I don’t see a really solid mechanism in place for meeting people,’ said Marty. He shifted his weight irritably from right to left and waited for his friend, Percival, to offer a response.

Percival brooded silently, hesitant to offer input. He didn’t like it when Marty started talking like this. They both knew that the negative energy of the conversation could only become more negative.

‘I mean,’ Marty continued, pressing for a response, ‘how exactly am I supposed to find somebody?’

‘What about Lauren?’ Percival ventured.

‘Lauren’s a shark.’

‘Right. I know that but…’

‘Lauren’s literally a shark.’ Marty was focused on this detail.

‘I wasn’t saying that you two should go out, I’m just pointing out that it wasn’t hard to meet her. We just happened to bump into her last week and she turned out to be really fun.’

‘Like, she’s not even a compatible species. She’s an actual shark.’

‘Okay. Bad example. What I’m saying is that meeting great people can happen anytime.’

‘Shark.’

‘Okay, so Lauren was a shark, but there are plenty of fish in the sea, Marty.’

‘Where?’ Marty gestured toward the thick, impenetrable darkness that surrounded them. Percival could not see Marty, so the gesture was wasted. However, the latter’s tone was testy enough to make physical gestures redundant anyway.

‘Anywhere,’ Percival offered weakly, making exactly the same wave toward their surroundings as Marty had. Still wasted.

‘We live in total darkness, Percival. We can’t draw attention to ourselves to try to attract a mate because chances are, the first fish we meet will be a larger carnivore. It’s not even like we have any bioluminescent scales or something that could identify us to other fish of the same species. Actually finding a fish that’s the same specie as we are is almost completely impossible.’

‘I really hate it when you get like this, Marty,’ said Percival.

‘Well I really hate the fact that I have to die alone,’ said Marty, ‘so suck it up.’

Percival rolled his tongue around his spine-toothed mouth, taking a moment to let his indignation dissipate before responding.

‘You’re exaggerating, Marty,’ said Percival in a measured, careful tone. ‘We met a great female barely a month ago. She was totally into you too.’

‘Really?’ Marty didn’t seem to be comforted by this reminder and if anything his ire was the more provoked. ‘Really? You’re going to bring up Carly right now? Why is it that you can’t just forget about her?’

‘She was really into you,’ Percival repeated.

‘She and I had NOTHING in common,’ Marty said with the exasperation of one who has said those exact words a thousand time before. ‘Besides, she was really dumb.’

‘She was really nice.’

‘She thought that she was a reincarnated whale.’

‘I liked her a lot.’

‘Let’s not talk about Carly,’ said Marty with grandiose finality.

‘Fine by me,’ grumbled Percival. He scowled and struck the powdery silt of the ocean floor with a moody fin. If Marty hadn’t been there being all hot and angsty, Carly might have noticed that Percival thought that she was really nice.

Somewhere in the total blackness there was a flutter.

‘Did you hear that?’ Marty asked.

Percival nodded.

‘Percival?’

‘Sorry,’ said Percival. ‘Yes I did.’

‘Shall we?’

Slowly, cautiously, they slipped forward, careful not to disturb the texture of the cold blackness through which they moved. In total silence they closed in on the source of the flutter. As prey they were invisible and as predators they were stealth itself.

‘Ow!’

Percival’s heart leapt into his throat as the cry sounded in the darkness.

‘Marty?’ Percival whispered.

‘Ow,’ said Marty again, this time in a more subdued tone.

‘Did you find the flutter?’ Percival was still whispering.

‘I think it’s a rock,’ said Marty. ‘I didn’t see it coming.’

A moment was taken to let that sink in.

‘You didn’t…’ Percival began, trying not to let his smile be heard in his voice.

‘Right. I meant that I didn’t remember it being there.’

Something soft brushed against Percival’s left gills.

‘Marty…’ Percival said.

‘What?’

‘There’s something here. It just touched me.’

‘Are you sure it’s not just the rock?’

‘Is the rock moving?’

‘Not this part of it.’ There was a quiet slapping sound as Marty struck the rock with his tail.

‘Well I definitely felt something touch me.’

It touched him again, this time on his right side.

‘Marty? It’s back.’

‘What does it feel like?’

‘Like…’

‘Like a rock?’

‘Shut up.’

Silence draped itself over the proceedings.

‘Did it feel like it could eat you? Or like you could eat it?’

‘I can’t tell; it’s just something soft brushing against me.’

‘Soft?’

‘Yeah.’

Marty swam toward Percival’s voice where the latter was making a concentrated effort at staying perfectly still.

‘I felt it again, Marty!’ Percival whispered. ‘Wait… It’s not as soft anymore.’

‘I feel it too!’ Marty replied, his voice hoarse with excitement. ‘You’re right! It’s really soft!’

‘Why is it not speaking to us?’ Percival asked. Whatever it was had finished with brushing and now seemed intent upon pressing itself very deliberately against his side. It was becoming grossly unsettling.

‘Maybe it thinks that we’re predators,’ suggested Marty.

‘Maybe we are,’ returned Percival. ‘We don’t even know what kind of fish this is.’

‘I’ll bite it,’ said Marty.

‘Really?’ Percival was unsure that this was the best means of introduction.

Marty bit it.

‘Ow!’ Percival cried.

‘Uh-oh,’ said Marty.

‘Marty did you just bite me?’ Percival demanded.

‘That might have just happened,’ Marty admitted. Quickly, he swam away from Percival, their relationship having reached a stage requiring a little space.

‘Did you say that I’m really soft?’ Percival had been taking a lot from Marty that day.

‘Ow!’ Marty shouted.

‘What?’

‘I found the rock again.’

A long and decidedly uncomfortable moment ran its course. It was almost a full minute before Percival collected himself enough to speak again.

‘Did you say that I’m…’

‘Soft, yeah.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Well you are.’

‘Seriously. You’re not even going to pretend to be apologetic.’

‘It’s like your scales are woven together into a delightful velvet.’

‘Just shut up.’

‘Sorry, I…’

‘Just shut up.’

‘But…’

‘No.’

‘Okay.’

More awkward silence.

Something soft brushed against Percival. Twisting quickly, Percival followed the something with his fin and felt the distinct texture and shape of a tail fin as it moved by.

‘Hello?’ Percival whispered.

‘Hello?’ Marty replied.

‘Not you, Marty,’ Percival snapped irritably. 

‘Whoa…’ said Marty.

‘Hello,’ said a third voice.

‘Whoa…’ said Marty.

‘I am Percival,’ said Percival extending a fin toward the voice.

A fin reached out and touched Percival’s face.

‘My face,’ said Percival.

‘Sorry,’ said the third voice.

‘Lower and to your left,’ Percival prompted helpfully.

The fin moved from Percival’s face to his fin. They touched briefly, recognizing the shape and weight of each other’s fins to be that of their own species. The moment was magical but it was only a moment. They returned their fins to their sides and drew back slightly.

‘Hello Percival,’ said the newcomer. ‘I’m Kendra.’

‘Hot diggity,’ said Marty.

‘We heard something over here and thought we’d investigate,’ Percival said by way of explanation.

A fin touched Percival’s tail fin.

‘Hello Kendra, I’m Marty.’

‘Hello Marty,’ said Kendra.

‘This is not the fin of my species,’ said Marty. ‘It’s a lot like the tail fin of my species, actually, but softer.’

‘Really?’ Kendra seemed confused by Marty’s contribution to the conversation.

‘Yes. A lot softer. It’s kind of wonderful, actually.’

Percival shook his tail, jetting forward a couple inches in the water and out of Marty’s reach.

‘So Percival,’ said Kendra, ‘I’m new to the area. Any recommendations for good places to eat?’

‘Not really,’ said Marty.

‘So many,’ said Percival. With his tail fin, he slapped Marty’s face.

‘Ow,’ said Marty.

‘Where are you visiting from, Kendra?’ Percival wasn’t going to let this conversation get bogged down by Marty.

‘Well,’ Kendra began, much as though there was a long story here, ‘that’s a long story.’

‘Sounds like it’s going to be a long story,’ Marty said, nudging Percival to recommend that they not pursue the aforementioned story.

‘I like long stories,’ Percival said.

‘Okay,’ said Kendra. ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you.’

‘About?’ Marty didn’t seem to be one with this conversation’s rhythm.

‘The long story,’ Percival said impatiently.

‘Oh that,’ said Marty. ‘Do we have time for one?’

‘One what?’ asked Kendra.

‘A long story,’ said Percival.

‘Do you guys need to be somewhere? This story can wait. It is long.’

‘No,’ said Percival.

‘Yes,’ said Marty.

‘Sidebar!’ snapped Percy. He dragged Marty aside and in a low, angry voice demanded: ‘What are you doing?’

‘What are you doing?’ Marty hissed. ‘Why are we wasting our time here? She’s not prey and she’s not a female for us. Let’s just go. I’m not in the mood for this. She’s just another Lauren.’

‘Lauren’s a shark.’

‘You know what I mean.’

‘I don’t even care what you mean, Marty. I have a really good feeling about this. It’s not always about you, you know.’

‘What do you mean by that?’ Marty was indignant.

‘Just shut up and let her tell her story.’

‘Fine!’ Marty threw his fins up defensively. ‘Okay! Fine! Sounds great! Yeah. Fine.’

Percival swam back over to Kendra. Due to a total absence of light, he misjudged the distance and bumped into her.

‘Whoops!’ said Kendra cheerfully. Flustered, Percival withdrew muttering a hasty apology. ‘That’s okay,’ Kendra reassured him. She briefly touched his fin with hers and Percival blushed.

‘Where were we?’ Percival asked.

‘A long story,’ prompted Marty sourly.

‘Oh yeah,’ said Kendra. ‘So anyway, I traveled here from the Abyss because a goblin was chasing me.’

A pause made itself known as Kendra awaited a reaction and the two males awaited the long story. It suddenly dawned on Percival that she had just finished it.

‘Oh!’ Percival said. ‘Long.’

‘Yet somehow so succinct,’ said Marty dryly.

A thought occurred to Percival. ‘Just curious,’ he said. ‘Did the goblin stop chasing you? Or…’

A goblin shark fully eight feet in length burst through the blackness in which the three small fish floated and ate Marty.

Awkward silence…

…

…

…

The goblin shark turned around and swam hastily back the way it had come. 

‘He’s gone now,’ said Kendra, answering Percival’s earlier question.

‘Right,’ said Percival.

‘So…’ Kendra wasn’t sure what the natural progression of this conversation should be.

‘Kendra,’ said Percival, recent events rendering him more than a little forward, ‘will you marry me?’

‘Oh,’ said Kendra.

‘I mean, it turns out that life is short. I know that I don’t even know what you look like, but you seem awfully nice and I’m awfully nice too. Am I being crazy?’

‘Nooo…’ said Kendra. That was all she had to say.

Percival continued. ‘I just really think that you might be the one and I think that the odds aren’t in favour of me finding somebody else who I feel that way about again. We’ll be very happy.’

‘Oh.’

‘I promise.’

In total darkness, a dozen heartbeats passed as neither fish spoke. It felt like an eternity.

‘Okay,’ said Kendra.

‘Fancy that,’ said Percival.

Away they swam, just another happy love story.

*     *     *

Note from the guy who put various words together in this particular order:

This piece was something I wrote in 2015 as a consequence of asking myself the age-old question: “What’s the dating scene like for fish in the ocean’s lightless midnight zone?” I then thought: “I’ll bet it’s really confusing and lonely. That would make a good story…” So I tried to capture that struggle on behalf of all the lovelorn and disoriented fish who can’t express it themselves – probably because the midnight zone still doesn’t have any shops where fish can buy proper writing materials.